ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
