Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
