No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm like, not good at living.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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