I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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