Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
