I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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