I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
