you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
