I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
