I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I am midnight drunk by noon
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
