it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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