yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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