hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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