After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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