Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my phone needs a breathalizer
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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