THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
