4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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