She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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