its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
