he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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