remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
