yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
