I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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