I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
