Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Alive.
So much puke
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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