We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
