i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
