there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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