dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
