this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
