remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
