You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
