Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
