so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
