It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my being single is dangerous.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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