i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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