Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
