I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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