dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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