he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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