Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
