she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
