Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
