Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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