Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
