u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
