the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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