problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
