How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
