Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
