You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
