We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
