apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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