I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
