This is not my ceiling
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
